GODDAMN SONUVABITCHIN' PIECE OF SHITTY CRAPPITTY-CRAP CRAP! WHY THE HELL DID IT HAVE TO FUCKING BREAK DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING SNOWSTORM? CRAP! CRAPITTY-CRAPPITY-CRAP-CRAP-CRAP!
*rants for another few hours*
the FURNACE broke down, and it's FUCKING COLD! I hate snow. I mean it - i HATE HATE HATE HATE snow.
I went insane yesterday. I built a blanket fort and tried to hide from the snow, scared that it was coming after me. I even called Kira, because I was so bored, and I cried because this is the first time i've had contact from the outside world in DAYS. Then I went outside and helped Mom shovel the drive so we could actually leave the HOUSE.
I got stuck in a snowdrift. The snow came up to my knees, and when I tried to get my foot out, my boot was still stuck, and I had to dig myself out with a landscaping shovel.
like this one.
Today, we're off to TWO parties: one at gramma's, and one at my Aunt R's house, who also happens to be a math teacher at my school. Weird, eh? Worst part: she may be my teacher next year, when I go into Calc. But Mom's side of the family doesn't get together that much, so it's always weird.
Well, i feel . . . empty. I really do. Is it because everyone I know has a good life while I barely managing to keep mine together? I'm alone in the world, and I guess that's the way it was meant to be.
I'll never find someone who will look past my outer appearance to appreciate my inner beauty, someone who will take my insecurities and make me push past them to be the best I can be. I will never find anyone.
Why do you think I never post pictures of ME on this blog? I'm ugly. People look at me like I have the damn plague. And I look like I had the plague.
I talk to absolutely no one. I'm good at nothing. I'm falling apart at the seams. People are seeing the real me under this facade. And that scares me, excites me, and numbs me.
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been.
I don't even know the worst part: is it that I hate myself? Is it that I'm planning my suicide so there won't be a mess to clean up? Is it that everyone I know is progressing in life while I'm going one step forward and three steps back?
. . . . . . . wow, this seems darker than usual. Aren't I special?
Here I am, laid bare, at the end of my rope. I've lost all hope. So long.
~Jink (who will be back soon . . . hopefully)
Q: why do I post so often?
A: I have no life, save the one I made on the internet. So yeah, I'm spending most of my time there.
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